ryan & i

so after 3 months spent apart thus far, ryan and i have decided to give 'us' another go.

i think that many people in their early twenties undergo their first experience of 'dying to self' or as i like to call it, 'undoing'.

ryan and i just happened to go through that process together.

i think it made us both a little crazy (or maybe that was just me!),

and rather than being puzzle pieces that are able to help and heal each other...

we started to do more damage than good.

the best thing ryan ever did for us was to finally say enough is enough after two years of dating.

that was a week before i left on this trip and one of the most painful experiences i have ever gone through...even thinking about it now makes my eyes tear up.

but instead of giving into the temptation to pendulum swing over to extreme independence, withdrawal, and the ugliness that characterizes many young breakups, 

we chose to give each other time, stay connected, reach out to those around us that could help, and were vulnerable.

i kept thinking that elizabeth gilbert was right, 

that soul mates aren't meant to last forever...

that it's too painful,

that they reveal layers of us,

that they tear apart our egos,

show our obstacles and addictions,

break our hearts so new light can get in,

make us so desperate and out of control that we have to transform our lives,

and then they leave.

but maybe she was wrong.

maybe sometimes they can come back.

maybe it is possible to live with a soul mate forever.

we're going to give it a try and see what happens.

i've still got another 2 and 1/2 months overseas.

we've both got plenty more learning & growing to do,

and even though i'd like to be home with him, with my family & friends,

i know deep down that this journey isn't over for me yet.

but today is a good day.

a day full of hope and new chances.

a day to be thankful for.