girl growing

and a space for her to play in

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

not waving, but drowning

sometimes the strength that we humans can contain amazes me.

only once in my life did i feel as if the whole world was crumbling around me and i was suffocating...only once. it was one of the hardest experiences in my life and i'm still not very clear on all the details of what happened, but i came out of it...obviously.

lately it seems that everyone but me is drowning. one of my mentors and best friends is going through a ridiculously trying time. through the past few weeks i have seen a strength in him that makes me smile. as each blow comes he continues to get right back up...i almost want to knock him down so he'll simply stay put until the storm blows through. perhaps it would be safer on the ground than in the pathway of such destruction. regardless of what i think, he has shown such a grace through it all. he and his wife are trying desperately to stay afloat and my mouth gapes as i'm revealed more of their recent story. instead of screaming out at the unfairness of it all, they're taking it all in perfect stride.

my other friend-who i would also consider a vital mentor-just got done helping her friend bury a relative. its scary because i know if i continue to go down this path as a pastor i too will one day perform a funeral. my friend continued to be accessible to her mourning friend and worked with her recently married ex-husband through it all. talk about finesse.

and another, who had the guts to get up and move his entire world out to texas. he decided that the hand he had been dealt simply wasn't good enough or wasn't for him. we've had several discussions about his past and most of it makes me want to punch somebody. (i promise i'm trying to learn grace and humility...promise) i guess it's just hard for me to give grace to people that continue to perpetuate the sickness that i feel is in the church. i was there once though, and so they deserve as much grace as i was given. i'm just glad that he's here journeying with us and that this huge change in his life is worth it. i think we're worth it.

and another, who is digging deep inside himself to begin a pilgrimage toward healthiness. he's hoping that there's a place of freedom from all his brokenness and i hope harder than i ever have that he's right. i want so desperately for him to be happy and fulfilled and it's so difficult for me to sit by and watch him go through this. i know it's worth it, but i can only relate with his experience to a certain extent. talk about frustrating. both of these boys i've just mentioned are doing all of this independently from the means of their parents-not something i can even fathom doing-so i'm completely blown away at their constant diligence.

there are more stories that i'm sure i could write about of people around me that amaze me. i know that one day i'll be the one reaching my hand out of the water as my lungs fill with water and hoping like hell that someone can pull me out, but until that day i'll pray that i can be used in aiding those around me.


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