girl growing

and a space for her to play in

Thursday, June 29, 2006


i've been thinking about this whole idea of 'soul mates' lately. the dictionary states it like this: "someone for whom you have a deep affinity".

this makes me wonder about affinity...

"A natural attraction, liking, or feeling of kinship.
An inherent similarity between persons or things.
Biology: A relationship or resemblance in structure between species
that suggests a common origin.
Chemistry: An attraction or force between particles that causes them to combine."

i wonder if there truly are people in the world that we totally resonate with. if there are people out there that once we meet them, it's as if every fiber of our being is understood. is it possible? are they out there? i don't mean in the romantic way either. well, it could be romantic but maybe not. maybe they're the same gender, maybe years apart in age, maybe...

what stinks is when it ends. when that affinity ends and it's time to move on. i don't know why God would bring someone into our lives that is so deeply affirming and then take them away. or maybe it's not God's decision at all. maybe we run from it because it's scary and dangerous. maybe we don't like to be that understood. it's scary when people know our thoughts before we do. when they can guess what words will come out of our mouths or what reactions we'll give to certain situations. what's worse is the accountability that comes with all this. the fact that someone can know us so well that they can anticipate every terrible, ugly, dirty thought or action we'll have. when we allow people so far into our lives that we cease to be one person anymore and suddenly the vibrations of every decision we make reverberates into someone else.

and yet beautiful. it reminds me that we aren't alone in this big world. we're not an island, as much as we may try to be. we all seek to be understood, and sometimes that hurts us even worse. sometimes we don't seek to be understood but instead to be liked and agreed with. i think if we want to resonate we have to realize that there is truth to be told and not simply loving silence. do you know what i mean? am i making sense?
i suppose it's like church shopping. we all want to find a place where we "fit" and then if one day we don't fit anymore, we leave. we go find another church that "feels better". i think that's what is so tough about wellspring...a lot of the time we don't feel good. at least i hope we don't. i hope that ken's right: we have a balance of truth and grace. we have permission and trust enough to speak truth into each other's lives with the same amount of love and grace. it's a balancing act, and that's a story for another blog, another day.
i'm glad i have a place to resonate. i'm glad i have people around me that understand me-not just like me, or agree with me but truly challenge and love me. i'm glad i'm on the journey and it's neat to think what chapter is next.
and i'm glad i have friends...even if they like a & m, are in a frat, think they're too old to hang out with me sometimes because they have a kid, or play with electricity all day. it doesn't matter...i'm glad i have you guys around.


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