my insides

"there is a great saying in the recovery movement: 'wherever you go, there you are.'

'your job is the relentless pursuit of who God has made you to be. and anything else you do is sin and you need to repent of it.'

and it is possible to be a good christian and go to church services and sing the right songs and jump through the right hoops and never let jesus heal your soul.

...so many leaders have never descended into the depths of their own souls. they haven't done the hard, difficult, gut-wrenching work of shining the bright lights on all of the years of baggage and destructive messages.

my experience has been that very few people do the long hard work of the soul. maybe that's why jesus said the way is narrow...

i see communities embracing their brokenness and the brokenness of their leaders, and healing is taking place.

i see honesty.

i see people who want to be fully alive.

i'm learning that very few people live from their heart.

very few live connected with their soul.

and those few who do the difficult work, who stare their junk in the face, who get counsel, who let jesus into all of the rooms in their soul that no one else ever goes in, they make a difference.

they are pursuing wholeness and shalom, and its contagious. they inspire me to keep going.

i continue to dig up things and process new insights...and learn about my insides."

-bell VE