girl growing

and a space for her to play in

Sunday, November 12, 2006


Germans and Gender

attached is a video of my friends from way back in the spring when some of my own church community went and met with some other church communities in europe.
looking back now, i wish so badly that i had gone.
i finally got to meet a lot of them in these past two weeks, and now...looking at this video...i miss them terribly.
there are a few new faces in addition to the ones on the train...
the rest of the germans...
andrew jones' wife debbie...
brad from cali...
and mark berry from england.
the last of them, mark, left tonight and i'm kind of feeling...empty.
i only got to spend a fraction of the time with all of these people since i'm still in school and finals are next week, but what i did get to spend was so fulfilling.
there were moments where language, cultural background, unmet expectations, and exhaustion all got in the way of good dialogue, but despite that...i now have more friends.
i hope the value me as much regardless of all this as well.
i think i was most touched my mark's parting words...
he affirmed us.
his words felt like a massage.
to a community that's been knocked around a bit lately...we needed to hear his words.
he was willing to come and see...see what we really are.
he was willing to take a risk by coming to check out this small, seemingly insignificant group of folks in tomball, texas.
(yes, i find that to be a huge risk)
we haven't felt special lately. not that feeling special is necessary, but at feels nice.
because when you type in 'wellspring' you don't find us right away.
we're one of many that hold that name.
when you type in my find this blog, but nothing more.
when you type in ken's name you find that controversial article that started all this,
but on the most part...we are unknown, and i have a feeling that there are more of us out there.
not needing to feel validated, but desiring it so much sometimes.
i wish i knew where they were, and what they were about.
not in the 'hi, how are're just like me' way that the germans dislike (and perhaps rightfully so) about us americans.
i really want to know. i want to massage some life back into their aching bones.
i want to heal the ribs...that perhaps like ours...have been breaking under the blows.
feeling misunderstood is hard...and i think it's easy to grow if no one around can ever really understand what it's like to be me, or us.
i don't want to become so hurt, and so isolated that when people like mark try to affirm me...i shy away, not wanting to believe the kind words.
i want to soak it in, and believe it, and trust it.

this week has been a good week.
personally, it has been a roller coaster...but good nonetheless.
i feel inspired.
wheels have been put into motion for whatever it is we wanted to birth in all this.
i'm still not sure what to call it, or what will come of it, but people i trust have made commitments to see it through...
i'm thrilled about it.
and so, just as i watch this video from what seems forever ago...
i am excited about new memories.
about new friends.
about new connections and possible growth.
about feeling validated and acknowledged.


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