girl growing

and a space for her to play in

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

something happy...

ken and i had a good chat today.
we both decided that i needed to blog something happy...
that way everyone will believe me when i say i'm okay,
because i promise i am.
i'm still wondering just how easy or how hard this whole thing we call faith is supposed to be.
sometimes i believe jesus when he says that his burden is light,
and yet other times i believe him when he says that the path is narrow.
so which is it...and when did i decide it has to be either/or instead of both/and?
so sometimes it's hard on me, and some days i'm completely content.
today is a good day.
and so...something that makes me happy...
feeling understood.
especially feeling understood by someone that you really care about.
that is, after all, part of what we most like about our significant others right?
that's why we choose them.
well, that...and that they're cute.
don't get me wrong, ryan and i have definitely had some moments where we both didn't feel validated or understood...but that's life. part of growing.
i'm happy knowing that there's someone out there that gets me a whole lot better than the rest though. it's comforting knowing he's around.
i chatted with my good friend candice the other day and we talked about the analogy of 'the cup' that i'm sure most of you are familiar with.
i told her that ryan's pastor, jim, had actually told me about it...
how at the end of every day we need to empty our cups.
at the very, very bottom are things stuck in our cup from our past...things that are really hard to dig out and come up to the surface occasionally.
on top of that is all the rest...the stuff from our day.
the irritations, the frustrations, the highs and the lows and at the end of the night all i want to do is dump my cup out.
i want it all to tumble out into ryan's hands and for him to help me pick all the pieces apart.
i'm glad that i have someone that is willing to be there virtually every night to hear my cup stories.
i think that i once believed in the disneyfication that has happened to most relationships.
i wanted to believe that finding someone really special would mean things would be easy.
it's probably one of the hardest...and yet most fulfilling things i've done and am doing.
and so it makes me happy.
i'm honest.
i'm hurtful and mean sometimes.
i'm forgiving and forgiven.
i'm playful and silly.
i feel attractive.
i'm confident and secure in it.
and no matter what the future may hold, i'm happy right here...right now.


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