girl growing

and a space for her to play in

Thursday, November 02, 2006

a place

last night as i sat around in the shuman's living room with our new friends (i'll blog about that later) we played what i'll call 'the question game'.
we went around the room asking some serious and some silly questions...
'if you could change one thing about your life what would it be?'
'if you could be any animal what would it be and why?'
and lastly, 'what is your favorite space...?'
we went around the room and let everyone share.
the other julie and i actually snuck out without really having to tell anyone our favorite place...but i want to.
mine is...the couch.
i know, it sounds funny, but let me explain.
there are several couches i like.
the first one, is my parent's couch.
i came home last night around 10 and they were sitting there together.
what started out as small talk about my day and how ryan and i are doing... turned into a 2 hour conversation about faith, belief, God, prayer, doubt, love, fears, marriage, relationships, and the church.
sometimes we get heated and upset, but it's getting so much better.
i am so glad that i have parents that let me come, and sit, and share.
i'm lucky to have them.
another couch i really like is any couch that ryan's on with me.
i're thinking, 'gross....feelings' but i'm learning lately that feelings are okay.
and i'm being totally serious.
there was a good span of time there that i didn't think i was going to find...someone.
there's a lot that was expected of that 'someone' and i'll just leave it at...he fits.
and there's nothing more wonderful than cuddling.
and the last couch i think of is the one in ken's office.
it's been a year now that i've been with wellspring...that's amazing.
i remember being so timid and shy when i first sat on the couch last october, and now it's almost like...home.
i've napped on it (not while i was on the clock!).
i've cried...hard...on it.
i've shared fears, doubts, regrets, concerns...
i've told secrets about boys, i've giggled uncontrollably, i've been validated...
i've treated it like a therapist's office and stretched out, hoping clarity would come.
it's been good space for me.
when i look at it, i see so many things.
so many things learned, so many things expressed, so much time and i don't know that anything can compare to it.
i like being there.
and i'm so thankful that it's not just a couch in that office...because eventually that couch and that office will disappear. i won't need either of them, but i have a friend and a fellow seeker, and mentor that will have the same memories, and that's really where i like to be.
remembered. appreciated. cared for.
so many many great things.
so many happy places.


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