girl growing

and a space for her to play in

Sunday, December 03, 2006

warm & fuzzy

tonight i felt warm.
despite any feelings that i may have toward the place i once worked, i have to admit that they sure know how to decorate for the holidays.
i found myself taking pictures...again...this weekend.
it started on friday when i went out to eat with my friend bekah's family.
her parents are divorced.
that's something that i suppose i should be used to...most kids i know have divorced parents,
but i've never seen it first hand...
i don't think i've been so emotionally exhausted over someone else's family before.
i wanted to help...i wanted to learn...i wanted to understand.
i watched my friend bekah as she tried to deal with emotional strain the evening was putting on her.
both her parents are happily remarried...
and i wonder how the holidays will go for her.
she's a strong girl.
i also found myself taking pictures at harbor on sunday.
it's rare that ryan and i actually see each other alone,
and so i've started considering church (or family) time...dates.
lots of people call the herrington house home...whether they have the last name herrington or not.
at one point i had to crawl under the christmas tree to get a fallen ornament, and one of the little girls followed.
i tried my best to capture the adventure.
and then today...
i felt warm and fuzzy being with my wellspring family.
there are lots of 'ifs, ands, and buts' in the near future...
it kinda makes me nervous.
lots of questions of when and where.
lots of late nights wondering what's in store for all of us.
there were tears shed and tears choked back on thursday night when the reality that ken and becky may not always be in houston arose.
it is hard for me to think of things being any different than how they are now.
watching my friend bekah's family made me realize that divorce is something that happens to perfectly normal people...
and it could happen to me one day.
i won't live in the fear of that...
but i think that sometimes i live in a fantasy world where people will always stay in love and they never leave...or have to go in order to simply provide for their families.
tonight when we were deciding on where to eat for dinner i said that i wanted to eat somewhere 'warm and fuzzy'.
that's how christmas makes me's an excuse to give lots of people a whole lot of affection.
it's a chance to snuggle up to those we care about.
a chance to smile more.
a chance to go exploring under christmas trees.
a chance to decorate.
a chance to spend a little extra time together.
a chance to wear obnoxious sweaters (ryan and i are looking for matching ones if anybody's got some).
a chance to be with family...whatever last name they hold.
a chance to help others.
a chance to remember.
yes...i feel warm and fuzzy inside.
who knows how long that feeling lasts...
inevitably i will get busy, and stressed, and cold...
but right now...
i'm thinking of my favorite christmas carol,
and i'm wondering if this is what 'the thrill of hope' feels like.


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