bowing out gracefully...

i've been disappointed in some of the adults in my life recently.

i guess i keep thinking that they're supposed to have it all figured out...

as if one day it all simply clicks, and we grow up.

i suppose we never do.

we try our best...but in the end...we're all just trying.

hoping to respond maturely...

like...'adults'.

i want to give them grace to continue to grow...

i know i'm not ready to be held accountable to any standard of age yet,

and i'm not really quite sure when i will be...

if ever.

regardless, i got hurt by them.

i've watched them and tried to learn from them and a couple of them have tripped up.

made mistakes...and i was one of the casualties.

i, like some of the others that have been hurt, are trying to walk away.

we don't want to fight...or argue...or throw rocks.

we just want to pick ourselves up and continue on.

well, some of us don't want to fight...i certainly do.

i want justice, and revenge, and for them to feel the same pain and loss that i do.

i want to defend.

i don't want to show grace or mercy...at all.

ken and i are both starting a new chapter in our lives.

we're both on a journey for new jobs...

i'm learning that sometimes life isn't fair.

sometimes people lie, and are dishonest, and manipulative.

it's simply their way or the high way...

state highway 2920 to be exact.

and so we're waiting...

waiting on God to show us that he didn't forget us or mess up,

but simply has something else in store.

i want to believe that.

ken seems to believe that...and he's having to deal with much more than pride issues.

ones like money, and security, and livelihood.

and so i'm watching him...

i chose him as my mentor and even now i'm learning.

i'm watching him be graceful.

i'm watching and learning and hoping i can be like him.

what he does in his life and in ministry (which i've found to be indivisible) are beautiful.

i watch him balance, create, lead, facilitate, listen, and grow.

and so even now...when he could understandably be angry and seek to hurt those that have recently hurt us, he is showing me the kind of adult i want to be.

now, he doesn't have it all put together...and at times i've felt the pain of a ken mess-up (as i'm sure he has mine)...but regardless, i'm seeing someone try.

which i think is more than i can say for a lot of adults.

and maybe karen is right, maybe they can learn from us kids that don't know any better.

and i'm discovering that despite being a white, middle-class, american, 22 year old female...

the world does not revolve around me,

and i don't know everything.

i want to learn and try just like him...and others.

he's taking his bow...

but not exiting the stage.

we're simply beginning a new song...

and i'm proud to watch and call him friend.