big girl

a quick word on growing up:

i am learning that nothing quite makes a person grow up like sending them to another continent and telling them to figure it out.

you are forced to ask for help.

you are forced to rely on yourself and on whatever resources you can conjure up.

you are forced to find your way from A to B

and to stay alive.

you are forced to create budgets and schedules and to plan, plan, plan-

and to soak in every damn moment because soon it will be gone.

i don't know that there is anything quite like it. 

in addition to this, you learn so many things about yourself.

you suddenly become aware of fears you never knew you had,

of thoughts that fly around,

of every aching muscle from carrying the weight of travel on your back,

of all the people that you miss and wish you hadn't taken for granted.

so, i want to say thank you to my parents for allowing me to take this trip.

i know that i have written quite a bit on my parents here on this blog...

i have analyzed, judged, and written without censure about them.

part of growing up is admitting when you get it wrong,

and i need to apologize to both of them for not giving them enough credit.

they did the best they could...

and i hope they did alright with me.

i think they did.

i have never said thank you enough to them.

i am lucky enough to have two parents that actually love me...

and i'm starting to think that isn't as common as i naively believed.

and so, to mom and dad...

i'm sorry.

i love you.

thank you.