girl growing

and a space for her to play in

Monday, June 30, 2008


i get it madiba,
you want me to change the world,
but i gotta tell ya...
it seems a little intimidating.
i watched nelson mandela's birthday celebration tonight that took place across the pond in london a few days ago...
kinda wish i had flown a couple weeks early so i could've at least tried to get a ticket.
my eyes were teary the whole time,
especially when he got up and addressed the crowd. 
(i got some relief when amy whinehouse got up to sing...but, a party is a party right?)
mandela is 90 years old...
who the hell gets to live to be that old anymore?
somebody who has helped to almost single handedly change nations and invoke people to actually do something to help the world?
makes me wanna jump on his healthcare plan.
over the past couple of weeks i've read quite a bit, 
mostly because i'm not working and i'm trying to get everything ready for my trip.
three of the books i read-coincidentally enough-are hunger for healing ,the shack , and the artist's way
now, hunger for healing and the artist's way are both 12 weeks series and both can be pretty weighty, 
but utter and totally worth it.
the shack, also worth it, is fiction and has changed my life.
i feel i need to go back and re-read it several times to let it sink in.
mostly, it gave me a picture of a God that i think i can believe in.
i just so happened to be doing the dreaded '4th step' in hunger for healing (yes, those of you who know what i'm talking about are cringing) and i also happened to read the shack.
something out there in the cosmos must have orchestrated that,
because the combination has been a force of nature.
several things opened up for me...
and i'm excited that this is the note that i'll be embarking on my trip with.
so...back to nelson...
in the picture above he's wearing his prison number.
he was the 466th prisoner in 1964.
it is hard enough for me to work on the 4th step...
acknowledging my resentments, fears, etc. that keep me bound,
much less to wear it on a shirt.
and so madiba is wearing it to get others to join in...
his legacy will come to an end physically and he needs people to carry it on.
..............i'm sitting here...looking at my own two hands as i type....
and they look very small.
too small to do much good anywhere,
and my trip to europe-the trip to clear my head now that i've graduated-is to help me see just what my next step will be.
i'm thrilled...and nervous...and so very ready to see more of what is possible...
possible with my two little hands nonetheless.

happy birthday nelson mandela.

Sunday, June 22, 2008


so my new friend jonny baker has decided to publish my lil 'ol blessings. 
i'll be one of the new 'unusual suspects' (creative kids under age 25) on his independent label: proost.
i checked back, and in may of 2006 i listed his site under a blog titled 'fun stuff to look at'.  i also added that i 'kind of adore him' (jonny) and i'm pretty sure that when i get to meet him in august i'll really kind of adore him :)

being published is kind of a neat thing.
at first i wasn't really sure what to think.
the blessings that i've put on here and written & read aloud at church were just meant to be...a letter to my family-nothing big or worth taking notice of-but there are people around me that think they're good, and special, and so soon i'll be able to hold them in my own two hands.

i leave in a couple weeks for my european adventure.
i'll go through london, prague, lausanne (switzerland), telford, karlsruhe (germany), and maybe if i'm really lucky, the orkney islands.
at the end of august i'll be at the greenbelt festival where i'll finally get to meet mr. jonny baker, and i'll finally get to see the blessings.
i'll also get the chance to visit old friends and meet new ones...
i'll sleep on couches, floors, and spare beds...
i'll be reading, and watching, and snapping photos...
writing new blessings for the 'traveler'...
and maybe somewhere in there i'll find some more of myself.
because that's what this trip is all about:
continuing to figure out just who this little girl growing is.

Friday, June 06, 2008


my little sister got married tonight.
i feel like part of me died.
it hurts so bad i can't breathe.