girl growing

and a space for her to play in

Tuesday, May 22, 2007


"i practice daily what i believe and all the rest is religious talk"
i've been involved in some pretty tough conversations lately about what true community looks like.
i'm not sure if we'll ever find an answer, but i'm convinced we're asking the right questions.
'what does proximity mean for community, and is it necessary?'
'what does it look like for someone to lead a group of people, and what should their role entail?'
'is it possible to encourage and challenge people to change their lives without making them feel guilty?'
and my favorite comes from my germans, 'why do we do what we do?'
so far i've come up with three possible conclusions:
1. we should be involved in the lives that we claim to be in community with
-this could mean simply calling or emailing throughout the week...better yet, coffee and dinner
2. we should live missionally wherever we, school, etc.
3. we should strive to be effective in the world at large, continually trying to make the world a better place.
i hate what these three things could mean for my life.
i hate that i may have to actually practice what i'm writing-
much to the dismay of my personal desires.
i hate that i get so angry that we live in a culture that finds these things to be so impractical.
i'm wondering if it's possible to hold all three of these in balance,
and if we're even on the right track.
i sure hope so.


ask yourself what it means to 'practice daily your belief',
what honesty, authenticity, and transparency look like,
what it means to not just be a spectator to this 'kingdom show'...
sitting, watching, having your heart stirred, your pulse racing,
palms sweating with anticipation and excitement
yet still remaining seated.
ask yourself what it means to truly commit,
to your family,
to your community,
to the decision that this is not a passing fad,
an emotional high,
but instead is a life change.
choosing to let go of selfishness,
of inconvenience,
of fear.
ask yourself what it means to truly be different,
to truly live in community,
to truly not just be a bystander,
but a believer that a new way is possible.
are you willing to rearrange your life?
are you ready to try so hard...
palms calloused, brow sweating, muscles aching
from the struggle of swimming against the norm,
against the status quo?
are you bold enough to believe that our talk is not in vain?
this is achievable.
new life is possible.
one decision at a time-
transformation will begin.

Thursday, May 17, 2007

mother's day

not only has this week been my finals week in school
(which is part of my tardiness with the blessing)
but this has also been a really hard blessing to post.
last week was mother's day...
and since i write the blessings during our gathering,
i found myself at a difficult place.
i started three blessings...
and eventually i finished one,
but not without a couple tears.
i didn't know how to bless a day that didn't feel like such a blessing.
i think i finally found a place...amidst all the hustle and bustle of our gathering and all of the feelings that were filling the room during our dialogue...where i could center and hopefully write something others can relate to.
above is a picture of my mother and i...i felt it appropriate.
mother's day was a good day this year,
i hope it was for you all too.


today is a day for hope.
a day to celebrate, to grieve, to remember, and to be thankful.

a day to celebrate the mystery of creation
to grieve what was and what should have been
to remember those who have helped mold you into who you are
and a day to be thankful for the patience and kindness you have been given.

today is a day to be still.
to take the opportunity to seek out feelings or loss, of joy, of anger, and of love.
the opportunity to acknowledge your past and those who touched it
the opportunity to gaze upon your future,
and the change for you to touch and inspire.

today is a day of grace.
grace for those who hurt you,
who lived out their own pain in your life
for those you struggle to love...and to forgive.
grace for you who will too inflict pain upon,
and those you will request grace from.
share yourself today.
bless someone today.
feel yourself loved and cherished...
for today is a day of creation.

Tuesday, May 08, 2007


'i could hear the church bells ringing
they pealed aloud your praise
the member's faces were smiling
with their hands outstretched to shake
it's true they did not move me
my heart was hard and tired
their perfect fire annoyed me
i could not find you anywhere
could someone please tell me the story
of sinners ransomed from the fall
i still have never seen you,
and somedays i don't love you at all
the devoted were wearing bracelets
to remind them of why they came
some concrete motivation
when the abstract could not do the same
but if all that's left is duty
i'm falling on my sword
at least then i would not serve
an unseen, distant Lord
if this is only a test
i hope that i'm passing
cause i'm losing steam
and i still want to trust you
peace, be still'
-secret of the easy yoke: pedro the lion

my friend rodney shared that song with me right after moving here to texas.
he told me what it meant to him, and it's been with me for quite awhile.
this sunday he and i shared some things and in doing so, shared parts of our story.
we played songs and videos, read books and showed paintings.
we had found creative ways of connecting and in turn expressing ourselves.
i'm learning that God can speak through so many mediums...
including me...
and you.


allow yourself to be blessed
as you step into this safe place
as you seek out your own inner melody
and as it becomes clearer
as you are able to share
more of yourself and more of your story.

allow yourself to be blessed
as you begin to feel and almost see
the rhythms of others
a vibration so strong
that as we come together in true intimacy
and begin to live life together
harmony happens.

allow yourself to be blessed
as each new coat of paint is brushed
as new stories are told
and more of sacred life revealed
the color ever growing brighter,
more alive.

let us dance together.
let us sing together.
let us read together.
let us watch, and learn, and teach together.
let us resonate, and create, and grow together.
let us continue to bless each other. amen.

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

dessert & discussion

the past couple weeks our little 'posse' watched the movie 'chocolat'.
if you haven't seen it, you should, it's brilliant.
we talked about diversity in groups...
and then on sunday we revisted it.
we discussed the two extremes of being completely sure of oneself, isolated, and alone...
and then the opposite where we allow our pastors or leaders to do the thinking for us.
i think we all pretty much agreed that we'd like to be somewhere in the middle of that continuum.
we examined what it looks like to truly be misisonal,
and wondered who, exactly, has the ability to bring the kingdom.
food for thought...literally.
what would it look like
for you to be responsible
and vulnerable.

what would it feel like
for you to search, and learn, and find
while being connected , intimate, and honest.

what would it sound like
to hear the voice of God through direct connection
and the voice of love through deep community.

what would life be like
to try your hardest
to fail to be challenged
to be encouraged
to be teachable
to teach and
to practice life together along the way.

today you have the ability and the choice
to dream of what life can look like
for you, for your community, and for the world.
the decision is yours, it's mine, and it's ours.
welcome to the journey...
what a relief to know you don't have to travel it alone.
be blessed.